Cavorting on Koorhanh
by cheri1
Summary: 10/Rain and Alan/Rose. Part of the Something Old and New Series. The Doctor, Rain, Rose and Alan travel to Koorhanh for a day of fun.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is part of a series centering around my clone Doctor, Alan Timelord. He's one of my favorite characters and a lot of other people seem to like him so I keep bringing him back.

Chapter One

Alan lay in bed enjoying the calm of the morning. It was just past 6 a.m. and the house was still silent. His wife lay beside him, fast asleep, while their dogs Alice and Speck lay beside the bed, fast asleep. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the calm soothing presence of his wife's mind inside his own.

"Ah, perfect peace and quiet," he said as he looked at a spot on the ceiling.

"Not for long."

Alan turned his head when Rose muttered that and saw her looking at him through half closed eyelids.

"You're awake," she said. "Peace and quiet won't be lasting much longer."

"Is that a challenge, Starlight?"

"No, but I know you're going to make it into one."

"Always the pessimist, Amo'tiri, always the pessimist," Alan said as he shoved back the blanket and sat up.

Rose raised her eyebrow when he saw the mischievous look on his face.

"I'd advise against whatever is going through your half crazed mind at this moment," she said to him.

She raised her head when Alan grabbed his mobile off the nightstand beside him.

"Alan…no pranks," Rose said.

"No pranks," Alan said.

Rose sighed and sat up. She looked at the menu screen and noticed he was dialing the Doctor's number.

"They have children, Alan, you do remember this, right?" Rose said. "It's nearly half six now."

"I'll be brief," Alan said. "Go take a shit and shave."

He whistled when Rose eyed him before she got out from under the covers and stood up.

"Hello, Brother, am I disturbing you this very cheerful morning?" Alan said while Rose petted Alice and Speck. "Good. Well, I figured you weren't asleep. You don't sleep all that much anyway."

"That's because I was never human," Rose heard the Doctor say.

"What about the time you romanced a nurse from pre WW1 times?" Alan said.

"I gave myself a mental enema and forgot that until you just reminded me of it," the Doctor said.

Rose snickered at that and walked into the bathroom.

"Hey, your ex is going to take a shit and shave, wanna come over and watch?" Alan said.

He winked when Rose teasingly flipped him off and left the door open while she used the toilet.

"No thanks, I watch Rain shit and shave here, no need to travel for it," the Doctor said. "What are you doing today, Brother?"

"I thought I'd grab a submachine gun and make those piggies run for the hills," Alan said. "You?"

"I thought about going to the mineral baths on Koorhahn with the wife. Interested?"

"In your wife? Nah, I have one of my own, thanks."

"You know what I mean, Brother."

"Rose, will you be able to break away from shitting and shaving to go to Koorhahn?" Alan yelled at her while she brushed her teeth.

Rose spit out the foamy toothpaste in her mouth. She walked over to Alan and took the mobile from his hand.

"Hello, Doctor? Listen, this is a bad time," Rose said in a hushed voice while Alan watched her. "I know you want to take me away from here for some killer sex but not while my husband is watching."

She handed the phone back to Alan and strutted back into the bathroom. Alan flipped her off while the Doctor laughed.

"On second thought, Brother, I won't be able to go to Koorhahn today because I will be busy killing the wife till she stops regenerating and then burying the remains on Mount Hide The Dead Body," he said when he raised the mobile back to his face. "Perhaps that'll end your illicit love affair once and for all."

"I'm sorry, we'll try to keep our love affair out of your face if you don't bash her head in with a spade," the Doctor said. "So, would you like to go with us?"

"Starlight, want to go with them?"

"If they'll have us," Rose called back after spitting out some foamy toothpaste.

"If you'll have us," Alan said to the Doctor.

"I'll have the Doctor," Rose said in a sexy voice.

"Sorry, old bean, spade to the head for the missus now," Alan said to the Doctor.

"Yes, I'll go if you want to go," Rose said.

"On second thought, she wants to go. Cancel the spade," Alan said. "I'm too tired to hit her in the noddle anyway; I'll save that for another day."

"Do you want to come over or shall we pick you up at your house?"

"Rosie Doodle Strudle Noodle Poodle, do you want the siblings to come over here or shall we take a battering ram and knock down their house."

"We'll go over there," Rose said.

"Hot damn, we get to use the battering ram on your house!" Alan said to the Doctor.

"And I get to use the explosives on yours," the Doctor said.

"Nah, we put up invisible shielding. You could put a pile of TNT the size of Mount Fuji outside the house and ignite it and all of New Gallifrey would be obliterated except for little old me! And after the devastation, I would go out among the ruins with Speck and pretend I'm in I'm Am Legend."

He giggled when the Doctor said nothing to that.

"Are you sure you didn't have a piece of shrapnel hit your head when you blew up the Daleks?" he said. "I can check, you know. It'd be very easy to get a Dalek eyestalk fragment out of your skull. I'd be very careful not to damage you."

"Nah, Rose gets free entertainment from me and besides, I like the way I am. I'm special."

"No argument from me," the Doctor said. "Well, the missus is nearly ready. We have to take Hope over to Jackie's but by the time you come over here, we'll be here and waiting."

Rose walked out and snatched the phone away.

"I'll be waiting, my love. Get the condoms ready," she said before handing the phone back to Alan.

"Brother, you should check Rose for the eyestalk fragments. I think she's the barmy one," he said while Rose pucked her lips at him while she walked out of the room. "Anyway, I'll end the conversation and do some masturbation before going on vacation 'cross the nation. Holla!"

"Goodbye, Brother. See you when you get here!"

"Holla!" Alan said before ending the call.

"Right, my little Specky-poo," he said when his dog came up to his leg and wagged her tail. "Let's go get ready to greet the day with a smile and song!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Are you sure this is wise?" Rain said to the Doctor while they walked with Hope over to Jackie's house.

"You mean, bringing the brother and sister-in-law along with us?"

"Yes. Are you sure the pain in the butt won't get arrested or get us arrested?"

"I will take full responsibility for Alan," the Doctor said.

"Wow, even I wouldn't take that much responsibility. You're very brave."

"Mum, I want to come with you," Hope said, looking up at her.

"No. We want to take an adult vacation for a change. You come with us 90 percent of the time," Rain said.

"Besides, Gran is going to take you to the zoo," the Doctor said.

Hope brightened at that and she let go of her parent's hands and ran up Jackie's steps to her front door. She knocked and held out her arms when her grandmother opened the door.

"Aw, there you are!" she said, hugging her tightly as Rain and the Doctor walked up the steps. "Ready for a fun day?"

"Yes. Mummy and daddy are going on holiday with Uncle Alan and Aunt Rose. An adult holiday."

"Well, we'll let them do that and have fun on our own," Jackie said. "Go inside and say hello to Granddad then while I talk to your parents."

"Okey-dokey," Hope said before she went inside Jackie's house.

"So…you're off for another trip with my daughter and her mentally insane son-in-law?'

"Yup, we're gluttons for punishment," the Doctor said. "Actually, I am. I'm the one that invited them."

"Good luck then. And have fun."

Rain hugged her tightly. They looked inside the house to tell Hope goodbye. She was with Pete. He was sitting in a chair while Hope stood in front of him telling him about her day. She waved goodbye to her parents and Rain blew her a kiss before they left and walked back over to the house. While they walked over, they heard a whistle. They turned their heads and saw Alan waving to them while they walked down the sidewalk towards them.

"Better get in the house," Alan called out. "You said you'd be at home when we got there and we're nearly there."

"I have something for both of you. Gifts!" the Doctor said as they went up the steps to their porch.

Rain laughed when Alan zoomed the rest of the way to the house, leaving Rose behind. He took their porch steps two at a time and hugged Rain.

"Sis! I have arrived!" he said.

"I gathered that," Rain said.

"Hey!"

Alan turned around and waved at Hope who was standing on the porch waving back to him.

"Be good!" Hope said to him.

"Me? I'm always good! You be good!" he said to her.

Rose climbed up the steps and embraced her sister while the Doctor came out on the porch carrying two big gift bags.

"Daddy, tell him what I told you to tell him!" Hope yelled to him.

"Hope wants you to know that these are from her, she helped picked out the items in them. I, however, chose the sacks," the Doctor said.

He handed Alan a rainbow colored gift bag and handed Rose one that had a pink rose on both sides. Alan opened his up and his eyes bulged when he grabbed an all-day sucker that was bigger than his head. He pulled it out and looked at it.

"Hope thought you'd enjoy a nice, long lolly break," the Doctor said.

"I will gorge myself on this," Alan said.

"Ooo, licorice!" Rose said, pulling out a two pound clear sack filled with licorice candy.

"And Hope thought you'd like that," the Doctor said.

Rose and Alan called out their thanks to Hope and Hope waved to them.

"I have a lolly!" Alan squealed while he hopped up and down rapidly. "I have a lolly, I have a lolly!"

"Alan, calm yourself!" the Doctor said.

"But I have a lolly!" Alan said, jumping around to face him.

"It seems I will have to pacify and calm my brother. Observe my pacification," the Doctor said.

He laid his hand on the top of Alan's head. Alan stopped his bouncy movement and his eyes widened as he became still.

"I am pacified," he said in a childlike voice. "The Doctor has pacified me just by the power of his hand. This is why the Oncoming Storm is talked about in hushed whispers all across the universe."

"See, I can handle him," the Doctor said. "Well, let's get going then. Hope, love, we'll see you later!"

"Bye, Daddy. Bye, everyone!" Hope said, waving.

Everyone waved back except Alan who still had the wide eyed look.

"You better unpacify him, love," Rain said.

"Be as you were!" the Doctor said, laying his hand on his head.

Alan blinked as if waking from a dream and looked around.

"Hey, what happened? Why am I suddenly mellow?" he asked. "Wow, that was relaxing," he said as he followed everyone inside the house.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

"Koorhanh, home of the largest, most densest mineral lakes around," the Doctor said as the TARDIS flew towards their destination."

"Last visited when you were with Martha," Alan said as he and the wives sat on the jump seat.

"Really? Did Martha enjoy it?" Rose said.

"Yes. But I didn't. I had just come away from that episode with the living sun and I was still freaked out by that," the Doctor said. "But we ended up having fun anyway. Ah, here we are! Everyone up and out!"

XOXOXOXOXOXO

The TARDIS landed inside a large resort that made its money off of tourism. The hotel resembled a huge log cabin with a large wooden deck in the back that overlooked a large mineral lake. Steps from the deck led down to the bank of the river. They checked into the hotel and got two rooms side by side on the second floor. The rooms overlooked the lake and when Rain and the Doctor got in their room, they closed the doors. The room had a king sized bed with a blanket on it. The blanket had a painting of the resort on it with Billy's Resort underneath it in big white block letters. The furniture was made of wood that matched the log walls. A picture on the wall near the door was a photograph of the resort and lake and there was a painting of a beach scene over the bed. On each side of the bed was a nightstand and chest of drawers were across from it with a holo-TV on top of it. Beside the chest of drawers was a wooden armoire and next to that was the bathroom door. The Doctor opened the drawers and peered in the armoire while Rain put a rucksack down on the bed and walked over to the window beside the nightstand. She looked out at the lake and watched several people walking across it.

"How do they do that, Thete?" she asked as she pointed at the walkers. "How do they stay upright?"

"The water is dense with Ionan, one of the densest minerals in the galaxy," the Doctor said, coming over to the window. "They give you special shoes that help distribute your weight and when you step on the water, it holds up. The last time we came here, it was winter and the hotel freezes the lake so you can skate on it."

"It's beautiful," Rain said as the Doctor put his arm around her. "Very silvery. I love the silver color."

"Yes, it really reflects the suns' rays," the Doctor said, looking at the twin suns in the sky.

"You're gonna be lost without your little disciple," Rain teased him.

"Nah, she can live without us for a day. We're gonna take the TARDIS back on the same day. She won't even miss us," the Doctor said. "Besides, Jackie is taking her to the zoo so she won't miss out on the fun."

Rain laid her head on his shoulder and they stood at the window and watched the tourists walk the lake.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

In the other room, Alan was using the bathroom while Rose rested on the bed. Their room was identical to the Doctor and Rain's room. Rose looked down at the blanket and made a face at the painting on it.

"Bit tacky, don'tcha think?" she said to Alan.

"What's tacky?" he said, peeking his head out the door.

Rose stood up and pointed to the blanket.

"The fact that they advertise the bleedin' resort right on our blanket, that's what's tacky," she said. "And one of the pictures on the wall is a photo of the same resort. As if we don't know where we are."

"I could produce a sewing kit from my person and sew the blanket to something," Alan said.

"No thanks, we'll leave it as is," Rose said.

Alan came over to her and kissed her lips. He pointed to his gift bag resting next to her gift bag and their rucksack.

"Stay away from monster lolly or be doomed to die," he said ominously.

"You don't need that much sugar. Your teeth will fall out the moment you finish that."

"Well, don't blame me. Blame the munchkin. She made the choice to get it."

"Cause she knows you love sweets so much."

"Yes, I'm a sugar junkie, I admit that," Alan said.

"You're gonna regret being a sugar junkie when you rot your teeth out of your head," Rose said.

She gasped when Alan flopped down on the bed and took her in his arms.

"Love me?" he said to her.

"You know I do," Rose said, laying her head on his chest.

"Happy with me?"

"When you're not jumping around like a kangaroo, I am," Rose said. "Why are you asking this?"

"Because you are my hearts and I need to know I am yours."

"I'm still married to ya after all this time, isn't that proof enough?"

"Perhaps you're doing so because of a crippling obligation to be with me. After all, Brother did say you had to watch over me all those years ago. So…still watching over me?"

"Apparently so, since you've managed to avoid prison time…at least prison time connected with your antics."

"I love you, Starlight."

"And I love you, ya big baby," Rose said fondly. "Wanna go down and go out on the lake for awhile."

"Can I throw you down on its unsinkable surface and bonk you till you scream enough?"

"No, but you can walk hand in hand with me."

"Okay," Alan said while Rose laughed.

She kissed his lips and sent love into his mind. Alan returned the love before the two of them got up and headed out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The lift opened and the Doctor and Rain stepped out onto the ground floor. Besides the front desk and the lobby, there was a small gift shop and snack shop, a rental shop for the special shoes needed for lake walking and a rental ship agency. As they headed to the front door, a thin bald man with white skin and black spots came towards them holding out a magazine. He was dressed in black trousers, white shirt, black jacket and black shoes. His nametag listed his name as Chek.

"Good afternoon, this is our magazine. It lists all the fun things you can do and the times and dates of our shows. It's complimentary," Chek said with a smile.

The Doctor thanked him and took it. Chek walked away while Rain stood beside him and opened the magazine with him. She held the left side of the page while he held the right. The Doctor turned the pages and Rain secured them with her hand.

"They have a theater here? Where?" Rain said.

"Underground," the Doctor said, pointing down to the floor.

"Have you seen any of these shows?" she said, pointing to the listings.

"No. Martha did but I wasn't in the mood. But if you wanna see something, I'll go."

"A Salute to Barzan," Rain read. "What's Barzan?"

She looked at the Doctor when he coughed nervously.

"What is Barzan, Thete?" she said.

"The…um…red light district on this planet."

"Oh? And how do you know that?" she teased.

She giggled when he gave her a cheesy grin and waggled his eyebrows.

"So….the show is a bunch of naked people having sex then?" she said.

"Dunno," the Doctor said with a shrug.

"Well, we are going to find out! Let's see…tickets are ten credits each…"

The Doctor watched with a mixture of shock and amusement while Rain walked to the front desk. She asked about the tickets and was directed to go to the gift shop. The Doctor followed her while she went to the front counter and paid for two tickets for the evening performance. The Doctor watched her for a moment before wandering further into the store. While they were doing that, Alan and Rose came out of the lift and Chek walked up to them and greeted them as he held out the magazine. Alan took it and thanked him and Chek walked away while Alan opened it and Rose leaned her head on his shoulder and read it with him. The Doctor spied them and walked over while Rain took the tickets from the cashier and wandered around the shop.

"You'll never believe this," the Doctor said to Alan and Rose as he walked up to them. "Rain got us two tickets to the Salute to Barzan show tonight."

Rose looked at her husband when his eyes bulged.

"What's Barzan?" Rose said.

"The whore district on this planet. They're doing a salute to the prostitutes?" Alan said.

The Doctor found the theater listings and pointed to the show.

"Rose, wanna go watch a bunch of whores tonight?" Alan said.

"No. I'd rather not," Rose said.

"Sorry, mate, you'll have to watch the whores on your own," Alan said to the Doctor.

The Doctor glanced back at Rain and noticed she was buying something. He sauntered over and looked at a toy on the counter. It was a little grey alien on a surfboard. The surfboard was hovering a few inches off the ground.

"Thought I'd get this for Hope," Rain said when she noticed the Doctor. "It hovers off the ground and you can push it along."

The Doctor took it when Rain finished paying. He looked to make sure there was a clear path from him to Alan.

"Brother! Head's up!" the Doctor said, bending over and putting it on the ground.

Alan looked up from the magazine and his eyes bulged when the surfboard glided towards him after the Doctor pushed it. Alan grinned, grabbed it, turned it around and pushed it back to him. Rose laughed when the two of them moved it back and forth between them for about a minute. Rain walked over to Rose.

"I made a mistake, I shoulda gotten it for the Doctor," Rain said as the Doctor picked it up and headed towards her. "Hope will never get to play with it, ever!"

"Nah, she can have it," the Doctor said, handing it back to Rain. "So…you lot want to walk on the water for awhile? I'll go get the shoes."

They nodded and the Doctor walked over to a counter near the gift shop. He spoke to the woman behind it, telling her their shoe sizes and she brought out four pairs of slippers that resembled little black snowshoes. The Doctor paid for them with his credit stick and took the shoes back to his family members. He passed them out and they walked over to the patio door and walked out.

The air was warm and there was a slight breeze. Rain pushed her long hair out of her face and sat down on a wooden bench while she slipped the slippers on her feet and secured them with a Velcro strap. She stood up and tried walking in them. The slippers made a slapping sound on the wood and she had to lift her legs high to avoid tripping on them.

"This is like wearing flippers," Rain said when the Doctor put his on and joined her.

They stopped when Alan put his on, leapt up and began to stomp around the deck in a circle, making a loud slap with each footfall. Rose paused in the middle of putting on her second slipper and shook her head sadly.

"Doctor, would you have left me with him if you knew he would turn out like this?" Rose said, pointing to her marching husband.

"No, not even I'm that cruel," the Doctor said.

Alan stopped his marching when Rose got up and tried to walk around.

"Blimey, this is awkward," Rose said, lifting her leg high.

Rain slowly went down the steps to the ground. The Doctor followed her and Alan and Rose followed behind him. Rain gingerly walked over the bumpy ground to the bank of the lake. She looked out over the lake. There was a young man and woman with a little blonde haired girl in the distance. The lake was about two miles wide and they were nearer the far side so it was hard to make out their features. She looked at the sparkling silvery water and knelt down. She put her hand on the water and pressed down. Her hand only went a few inches under the water before she met resistance and couldn't go any further. She glanced over when the Doctor came up beside her and knelt down.

"They're not kidding about the water being dense. I can't get my hand in the water more than a few inches," she said to him. "Why even have the flippers?"

"I think it's for stabilization," the Doctor said. "So you have less of a chance of falling on your face. Like you said, your hand can go down into the water for a few inches. The flippers don't do that so you don't slog through the water and get your feet wet."

They looked up when Alan came up to the bank and stepped down onto the water's surface. He stood completely on the water and looked down at his feet. Then he started marching away while Rose walked up to her family.

"I'm waiting for him to get about a mile out so no one will know I'm with him," she said to the Doctor and Rain.

"Rose! Come on!" Alan said, stopping about twenty feet from the shore. "Come and promenade with me."

"Looks like he won't let you ignore him," the Doctor said.

"No, he never does," Rose said before stepping into the water.

The Doctor looked at Rain and they stood up and stepped onto the water. They walked off to the left towards a grove of orange trees while Alan and Rose walked straight ahead.

"So what do you wanna go tonight if you don't wanna go to the whorehouse show?" Alan said to Rose while they walked.

"I want to go to dinner with ya. I want to spend a quiet night alone with the man I love, not watching you drooling at dancing whores."

"Who said I'd drool at them?"

Rose gave him a withering look and Alan tickled her under the chin.

"Nah, you're the only whore I'm interested in," he said.

"Gee, how romantic," Rose said dryly.

Alan took her hand and kissed her cheek. Rose smiled and squeezed his hand as they walked across the water.


End file.
